Justice for ALL - Let's Celebrate!

As many blogs as I’ve written over the past decade about marriage equality, I figure I should say something today. But what to say, the Supreme Court said it all. Equality under the law. I just say THANK YOU. Thank you for inviting everyone to the table. Not just some, but all.

I don’t care about anyone’s religious arguments. Civil marriage has nothing to do with religion. What you allow in your mosques, temples, and churches is another issue. But in this nation, all citizens should have the freedom to wed the person they choose. That has always been my argument and now, I finally lived to see the historic day when it became reality. 

Being with a female partner for over 20 years, I can tell you all about the struggle being real. Being fired from jobs, denied hospital visits, schools not allowing my authority for our son, receiving violent threats, not being invited to certain events, being shunned and banished…just thinking of what today means for everyone who has ever been made to feel this way…now we ARE invited. We don’t have to get married but if we want to, the freedom to marry is THERE. America the Beautiful. Thank you for celebrating all of us. The wait has been long but today makes it all worthwhile. After years of being denied, the acceptance is heart-warming and long overdue. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

May our children and future generations never forget what we all went through to make this possible, the visibility, the love, the determination but may they also never have to feel the rejection and devalue that we have felt. Love Wins! Equality Wins! It’s been a very good day. Goodnight.

Highfalutin? Not Even Close

You’re gettin’ above your raisin’ is a saying we have in American South. Translation: You think you’re better than you really are. Sometimes, I’m accused of gettin’ above my raisin’ and this could not be further from the truth.

I'm from rural Kentucky. I have a deep love for the Bluegrass State. It'll always be my home. But I knew from an early age that I was going to leave, that I would move to Los Angeles or New York. Or maybe both. I wanted to be an actress, a writer, and a director. I was a storyteller and I wanted to go where I could tell those stories. I wanted to leave my old Kentucky home.

But that doesn't mean I don't love it. I'll sometimes say things like "my dreams were bigger than the Kentuck' sky" or "I love to visit but I don't want to live there." Sometimes people misinterpret me. It might sound highfalutin (translation: to hold oneself in unduly high regard) if you don't understand my intent. I just always knew that I was different from my neighbors, that the things I wanted from life were very different from everyone else around me. I am proud of my roots, there’s no place in the world I would have rather grown up than western Kentucky. 

But I had places to go. People to see. And things to do. 

It’s silly to think that because I don’t want to live somewhere that I don’t like it there or that I somehow think too highly of myself. Or that because I work in showbiz that I think I’m too good to do something else. I just wasn’t made to do anything else. We all have gifts and it would be wrong not to use mine. I was created with them for a reason.

Simmer down, y’all. I am exactly where I wanna be but I haven’t forgotten where I’m from.  

Yeehaw.  - AG

Goodbye, For Now - A Tribute to Eric & Daddy

     June 5^th. The day I usually dread, the day that two of my heroes left this earth. My nephew Eric in 2009, my Daddy in 2010. It’s been a difficult day for the past several years.

     I’ve written notes & blogs about this day before on my social media, usually my private pages. Some days I want to share the tragic twists in my journey because I know others relate and unity helps in the healing/grieving process. Other days, I want to guard my memories like precious gems, keeping them private and personal. I waffle between these emotions but ultimately, sharing wins out. I’ve had several people who have lost family members, especially mothers, reach out to me and tell me how sharing my journey has helped them. How talking about our family’s struggles has resonated with them. And to me, that’s what it’s all about. We are here to help each other. 

     But I also understand that many people in my own family are very private about these same matters so striking a balance is not easy. I’m a writer so the way I communicate my feelings is through words. I’m also a photographer so I often post pictures of my heroes, to remember and celebrate them. I’m in the mood to blog today, as a tribute to Eric & Daddy, on the anniversary of the date they both said goodbye. At least, goodbye for now.

 

     When I think of the day my nephew passed away, all that comes to mind is chaos. Nothing made sense. I was so angry, I couldn’t even go to his funeral. I didn’t get full closure for a very long time. Just recently, I’ve found a more constant peace about it. I used to cry whenever I thought of him, now I smile. I still have hard moments, where nothing makes sense all over again. But the loving bond we shared put magic back in my heart. He taught me so much about bravery and love. He is my hero. I’m blessed for knowing him. 

     Pediatric cancer may have broken his body but it never killed his spirit. Losing him crippled me for so long but the love we shared has saved me over and over again. I remember him now, happy and strong. Eric was a very good dancer. He was so full of joy. Some of my happiest days were spent holding his hand and watching cartoons. He made me feel 4-years-old all over again.

     When I think of the day my Daddy died, I feel lost. Yet, at the same time, THAT is the moment I became an adult. I was 35 and hadn’t really grown-up yet. Not really. I’d always been a Daddy’s girl, so just as part of me felt lost and scared, I suddenly felt more alert and in charge. I was the last one in the hospital room with Daddy when the funeral home came to get him. He had been in a coma since June 1^st, after being revived from a fatal heart attack but never regained full awareness. Every minute seemed like an eternity. But when it was over, everything seemed to speed up, it was all happening so fast. I couldn’t bear to let him go but I knew that the time had finally come. 

     I was in a better place, emotionally than I had been a year before. I did go to Daddy’s funeral. It was the most beautiful service I’d ever been to, the most fitting for my Daddy. I just kept thinking about my very early years in Paducah with him. I don’t know why my mind was stuck in the late 70s, but certainly was…the days of getting bouncy-balls from the quarter machines at Kroger, listening to him singing Elvis songs, and going to the movies downtown. 

Me & Daddy circa 1976

Since his passing, I have also found peace, especially since I believe that he and Eric are together again. They were especially close and it is comforting to think of them together in a better world.

    When I had heart surgery in 2012, I had to make peace with my entire life, just in case it didn’t work. Just in case it was my last day. When June 5^th comes around each year, I think of my two heroes and remember when they said goodbye. But also today, like every day, I think of the lives they lived, the joy they brought me, and our cherished memories. I am very blessed to have loved & been loved by two special people that we once called Big E & Little E. Earl & Eric. My daddy & nephew.       

Daddy & Eric 2007

ERIC MATTHEW TOLBERT: June 12, 2004 – June 5, 2009

EARL LYNN GREGORY: Aug. 8, 1949 – June 5, 2010